Cody Updates by Mom

Hello everyone.  It seems like it has been a long time since I have been on here.

I am now in my third week after my first chemo treatment.  I am still pretty tired but the doctors have been able to get my meds right to be able to manage the nausea and heartburn.  It is different for each person to see what works.  I am so happy with my cancer team.  They have been available every time I have needed something and extremely helpful in the process of figuring out what works.

I have learned so much through this whole process so I thought I would write some of them out.

1.  Pretty much everything I thought I knew about cancer was wrong.  There are so many misconceptions about cancer.  Cancer is very complicated and all of the different cancers are significantly very different from each other.  I have realized that I only now know a very small amount of information about the one cancer I have.

2. Even more than that, everything that I thought I knew about chemo was very wrong.  I didn’t know there were so many kinds of chemo.  They combine different types of chemo depending on the type of cancer.  They give them to you in a particular order too.  Because of the nature of the chemo they cannot give you an exact idea on side effects because everyone’s body chemical make up is different.  The only one that was for sure was the loss of hair.  This particular chemo that I am on is one that most prevention techniques do not work on.

3. I have learned that sometimes sitting quietly is more beneficial to your being than anything else you can do.  I have also learned that when I don’t feel good I really don’t like to talk to anyone.  I am pretty weird that way, just let me be and I will get through it.  If I need something I will ask.

4. I have learned that no matter how bad others want to be able to fix you or take away your pain and sickness, they cannot.  Others need to be okay with the fact that you are being taken care of by your doctors and chemo is something you simply have to figure out and get through.  It kills you a little on the inside to save the life and the future you have waiting for you.  However, I do understand that feeling of helplessness.  To not be able to help while someone you care about is suffering is not a good feeling.  Jim and Cody have had the brunt of this and I know its hard.  The most common question is “What can I do to help?” the only answer I have is pray.  Beyond that is it really up to my body and making sure I am communicating my side effects to the doctors so they can help me manage them.

5.  I have learned that the hardest part of a lot of this is the complete loss of control that I have over what is happening.  I have never been that good at just letting go.  I am getting better but its hard.  Even now when I am working so hard to keep my stomach happy I have had days were I literally flip off my side effects and eat what I want. 🙂  Well, it has worked sometimes but not all the time.

6. I have learned that no matter how strong I try to be there are times that bring me down.  I ran to the grocery store quick one day and in the checkout line there was a woman behind me with funky hair and the girl behind the cash register was just gushing at how she loved her hair.  That was a low moment.  I cried when I got to my car.  I won’t be hearing that for a very long time.  I know, you are thinking “that don’t matter, beauty is on the inside, blah, blah, blah.”  Sorry, but in that moment none of those things mattered.  I got over it and went on my way.  You can’t be strong every minute of every day.  A friend sent me a card and reminded me that I need time to cry.  It is a good bit of advice.

7. I have learned that a large number of people have advice they want to give.  What to do, eat, smoke, drink, you name it, I have heard it.  I have also learned that I need to figure out what works for me.  I am.  I have been able to work on what I am eating and drinking to help me feel better and also what meds can reduce the real icky stuff.  When people ask me what I do for my job I tell them that I am a problem solver.  Its true, I am given an idea or issue and I have to figure out how to do it or fix it.  I think I do a pretty good job at that.  Now, I just have a bigger puzzle to solve.  I will and things will work out just fine.

Monday is my next chemo treatment.  I have a new plan of action from my cancer team for things I can do prior to help with some of the side effects.  I have a better understanding of what to expect.  Actually, I didn’t know at all what to expect the first time so all my understanding is new.  I also know that as I go through more treatments some new side effects can creep in as my body has multiple treatments.  I have a list of what is possible and notes on what to alert the doctors to.

This week has been better and I am feeling more able to function at a normal level for longer periods.  I still get tired but it isn’t a level of fatigue that is overwhelming.  I am starting to lose my hair and it does hurt.  My hair hurts.  I know that sounds weird but its true.  It feels like I have little pin pricks all over my head.  It is not pleasant so I will be looking forward for it to complete the process.  It doesn’t hurt on other parts of my body but the hair is clearly falling out in multiple places.

I am very excited that Cody’s state robotics meet is this Saturday and that its before my next treatment.  I plan to the robotics mom all day on Saturday!! 🙂  Yay!!

Thank you again for all your prayers and support.  I hope everyone got a chance to watch the hair cutting video if you weren’t able to make it to the party.  It was really very uplifting to have a short time with all of you that were able to be there.  Having your support made it much easier to do something very difficult.  I very much enjoy my new headgear from everyone.

Have a fabulous rest of the week! 🙂

Mel

Caring Bridge Comments

Teri Quigg|May 15, 2014 2:39pm
Oh Mel, You are loved and prayed for daily. Morning noon and night. You are so courageous and strong. I love you lots. Take care and cry whenever you need to. It can be very healing.