Cody Updates by Mom

Tomorrow I have my second chemo treatment.  We will first get blood drawn and then meet with Dr. McCormack to discuss the side effects from the first round and make any changes that they think will help my week go better.  They know of most of the side effects already but my nurse recommended for me to go through all the side effects with the Dr. again tomorrow.  Once my blood work is back they will verify that I can continue with the chemo treatments.  Then we get to spend the rest of the day getting a variety of medications including the chemo through the IV.

Just a note on my nurse.  She is a riot.  I called when I was having such joint pain and when she called back she asked how I was doing.  I said ok.  She said to stop lying because if I was ok I wouldn’t be calling her.  This week when I called I told her I just had a real quick question.  When she called back I told her that my question was quick and I appreciated her calling me back.  She said, well, times up so have a nice a day.  🙂  She speaks the same language I do!!! Sarcasm.

Today has been a different day mentally.  It is very odd to know that tomorrow I am going to go in for a treatment that is going to make me feel really icky.  It’s kind of like heading to a quarantined wing of a hospital to see what kind of sick you can get.  It is just a very weird place to be.  I am determined to go through all of this to make sure that my recurrence possibility level is a low as it can be but I know what awaits me tomorrow night and the rest of the week.  I am a bit nervous but ready to get another session under my belt.

The other part of my mental state is around what time of year it is.  20 years ago today I was at my parents house.  It had been a long week of coming home everyday to see my dad.  He had just been bedridden in the last stages of prostate cancer that had spread to his brain.  I had said goodbye and that I loved him dearly so many times.  This day I couldn’t do it again.  It is so hard to say goodbye so many times when you do not know how long it will last.  I had stopped in to see if my mom needed anything and then asked her to please not let dad know that I had stopped.  I just couldn’t say goodbye again.

I had chosen to not get my secondary degree in college when my dads cancer had come out of remission with such force.  I had just gotten notice from school that I had officially graduated.  Due to the timing of everything I did not participate in walking at the actual graduation so instead my dear friend Dana borrowed me her cap and gown and took pictures of me to pretend that I had actually went to graduation.  I am not sure where those pictures are but it was good to take my mind off of the situation.

20 years ago tomorrow my mother called and let me know that my dad had passed in the morning.  I had chosen to skip out on the last time I would have had to say goodbye.  I have spent many years being upset with myself for not being stronger than I was.  Someone mentioned that maybe my dad was done saying goodbye too and it was time.

Anyway, tomorrow I will be getting my second chemo session on the 20th anniversary of my dads passing.  It is also an odd feeling.  I have had a little trepidation around this knowing it is coming up.  Obviously my situation is completely different, my outlook is different and I am not thinking there is any weird connection.  20 years ago cancer won, well not this time.  I have already kicked the cancer out and am on my way to have a good chance that there will be no sequel to this one. 🙂  I also have a guardian angel on my side that will be with me tomorrow to make sure that there is no issues.

Its so hard to believe it has really been 20 years.  I miss him dearly but know he has been there for all of my hard times and good times.  Tomorrow will be here shortly and I will get through this week with the help of my cancer team and my home team (Jim and Cody).

Oh yeah, the hair hurting thing while your follicles are dying and hair is falling out is about the most annoying thing I have had.  It is not debilitating but extremely irritating.  Just get done because I am done with it.  :p

Happy birthday to my family this month.  Roger last week, Teri today, Ron tomorrow, Cody on Thursday Maddie on Saturday.  Oh dear, I am going to have a 16 year old this week.  Oy vey, I can’t be that old can I?

Goodnight all – I will be back on the flip side.

Caring Bridge Comments

Lorelie|May 19, 2014 3:04pm
Thinking of you today and hoping everything goes well with your 2nd treatment. Hugs and prayers!