Cody Updates by Mom

One year ago this last September I felt pain in my left breast.  It was a sharp pain that was there for a bit then gone.  It returned quite often.  I also noticed that I was swollen on that side as well.  I was scared.  I didn’t want to think about what it could be.  I was afraid of that horrible “c” word and what it would do to my life.  I knew that I couldn’t ignore it but I wasn’t quite ready to jump into the mess of doctor appointments if I told someone about it.

Looking at the date of my last mammogram I knew that I could schedule my next yearly mammogram for October.  So, I waited.  I actually waited several weeks.  The pain was still there on and off but the swelling had gone down.  I convinced myself that it was just an anomaly and that all would be well.  It ended up to be a self fulfilling prophecy (well, not really but I didn’t know that).  I scheduled my mammogram for October 9th.  The online system would not allow me to schedule if I answered any of the general questions with a “yes”.  Quite simply, I lied.  I said no to the questions of any pain, changes, swelling or other items.  I wanted a mammogram without any of the hassle.  I convinced myself that this was okay since I was having the mammogram and it would catch anything abnormal.  I didn’t know how wrong I was.

I went to the appointment and answered all of the questions the same in person.  I remember the appointment very well as I actually went to the wrong clinic and had to have Jim help me with getting to the right place.  I also remember that the technician had to draw an outline of my tattoo that I got the previous year to ensure that it didn’t cause any alarm for the radiologist looking at the film.  In the end I got the answer that I wanted.  They did not see anything abnormal and all was well.  Or so I thought.

In March of this year when the pain returned and I actually felt a lump, I was terrified.  At least this time, I was terrified into action.  No longer was I going to allow my fear to make decisions on my health.  I was going to actually take control.  Thank goodness I did.  I don’t want to know how close I was to having the cancer move to my lymph nodes and having my journey be very different.  My fight would have been much more about saving my life instead of preventing it from coming back.  I am relieved that I didn’t have that journey.

There have been a couple different thoughts about the decisions that I made.  Part of me (and Jim) is happy that the tumor was so big that they wanted to do chemo and radiation.  I know it sounds odd but what if my tumor was 4.5 cm instead of 5.1?  That really isn’t much of a difference but would they have not recommended such an aggressive plan?  Would they have just removed it and said all is well?  At least with the size I had I was able to go through the treatments.  I know that I have reduced my chances of having this cancer return by quite a lot.  This time around we wanted to make sure there were no “we should have’s”.

With the recent loss that my son has had and knowing the pain of losing a love one, I realize how completely selfish my decision was.  I allowed fear to determine my course of action instead of using my head.  I was scared and wanted it to go away.  I see now how this is how so many people end up not having things taken care of.  It was hard to make that call and say that I found a lump.  It was extremely difficult to walk into Region’s hospital with a gut feel that I had cancer.  It was devastating to be right.  It was also a tremendous blessing to see the hearts of those around me.  It was a terrific feeling to know that I had won this round.  Mel: 1; Cancer: 0.  I do not know what my future health will hold for me.  I do know this.  I will have a very different approach and thinking when it comes to my health.  I am not even close to done with this life and I will do whatever it takes to ensure that I see all three of my children grow into beautiful, successful adults.  Out of everything I have gained a more determined focus on life itself.

I hope that all of you will not allow fear to have you delay those tests, appointments or symptoms.  Looking back and wondering how close I may have been to having metastasized cancer I am lucky.  I wouldn’t bet on luck.

Caring Bridge Comments

Janet Hexum Gerleman|Oct 9, 2014 9:17pm
I hope many read this, what a testimony!