Cody Updates by Mom

Sounds pretty dang good!  I spent some time this morning reading the journal entries from 4/3/14.  Revisiting the posts that Jim had put out during surgery made me very emotional this morning.  What an ordeal for both of us.  Today we are much stronger.  Together as a couple and individually due to the journey we have been on.

A year ago, I was in my “fighting pink” getting ready for surgery.  Today I am getting my hippy clothes and wig ready for my gig tonight.  A much different process.  A year ago, Jim told me that Dr. Fox came running into the room even before the reconstruction part of my surgery was underway to let him know that the lymph nodes were negative.  What a wonderful surgeon and person she was.  I could not have asked for a better care team.

Thinking back on this year, I am thankful for so many things.  I am thankful for the team that put together a very aggressive plan to ensure that I have the best chance possible of the cancer not coming back.  I am thankful that events happened the way they did and that they did not find the cancer in 2013.  Why?  Well, if they had found it then, would it have been as large as it was?  Would they have recommended chemo and radiation?  Would I have opted for the mastectomy?  I don’t know the answers but I do know that due to the facts that were in front of me, I made decisions.  These decision gave me the best chance of not having the cancer return.  I know that I can be sure that I did everything to combat this disease.  I have no regrets.

This leads me to the fact that I am thankful the tumor was so large.  Again, they wouldn’t have recommended chemo and radiation if it wasn’t.  I am thankful that due to the type of cancer it was that it caused me to ask for a breast MRI.  This showed that there was something going on with the right side as well.  I am so thankful for that because the mastectomy was still a question up until then.  As you may remember they did find cells on the right that were on their way to becoming cancer.  I would not be able to tell you that I am cancer free today if I didn’t have the full mastectomy.

Finally, I am thankful I had breast cancer.  Now I know some of you are thinking that I may be losing it but hear me out.  I am a different person today.  I understand so much more about me and what is important to me.  I have proven to myself that I am strong.  Prior to all of this I quite often didn’t like the person that was staring back from the mirror at me.  I struggled with weight, self image, confidence and simple belief in myself.  Now those things are so minor.  I beat cancer.  How can I not be proud.  I am.  Yet, I am also extremely humbled.  Humbled by the people who put themselves out there for me as support.  Humbled by the people that fight the fight and the cancer still wins.  I see people differently now.  My vision on beauty is different now that I have gone through chemo and had to lose my most prized part of my look, my long red hair.  I no longer see the shell in the mirror, I see the actual person looking back.  If only others could have this level of understanding without having to go through so much.  If only we could stop comparing our outsides and valuing our insides.  To everyone in my life, I want you to know that I see you, the real you.  I don’t see if you are short, skinny, heavy, quiet, hyper, too tall or any of that crap.  I see you as someone who has been there for me.  My friend.  My support.  I am thankful each and every day that you are in my life.

Thank you God for giving me cancer.  For believing in the fact that I would rise up to your challenge and be stronger than I ever thought possible.

Lastly, I am thankful for the fact that this cancer has allowed me to learn about my gene mutation.  I would not have ever known.  I have heard from multiple medical people that you do not want to die of stomach cancer.  Ever.  It is a very horrible way to go because once they find it, it is usually too late.  I am thankful that I was able to make my decision for my surgery.  I can guarantee that I will not ever get stomach cancer.  0% chance.  I like that number a lot.

A quick update.  Yesterday I had my dilation procedure down at Mayo.  It went well and they were able to get me up to 12mm.  The procedure was much more involved as I was in more pain yesterday than I had been so far.  Jim picked me up some liquid Tylenol so I can at least keep that in my system to keep the pain at bay.  I also had nausea from the anesthesia so I have been taking my Zofran to help with that.  The doctor that performed the procedure let me know that he will likely recommend that I have this done weekly for the next few weeks to get me to a point that the dilation is permanent.  This is a normal path for this type of situation.  I am waiting for Michelle to call with the final results.  She will let me know what Dr. Kendrick wants to do.  I am certain that I will be back down there a few more times for this procedure to get this resolved.  I spent most of yesterday sleeping and am much more awake today.

Last week Cody has asked how big they were going to try to make my esophagus.  I don’t know the answer but I did a little research and learned that the most common size for an esophagus is 1.5-2 cm, this is 15-20 mm.  If that is accurate then I am thinking that they are going to want to get to about that size and have it stay that way.  I am going to ask Michelle when I talk to her.

With everything going on with not being able to eat, I am down another three pounds.  This makes it an even 30 lost from my pre-surgery weight.  Not the most ideal way to lose weight but at least I have a small silver lining in all of this.

We are headed out to The Igloo in an hour or so to load our gear in.  The sound guy wanted to push the music start to 9:00.  We are going to try to get everything ready so we can start as soon as possible.  We are doing our full Freebird show tonight that we perform at tribute fests around the five state area.  Its a really good show!

If I don’t see you, please have a wonderful Easter weekend.

Caring Bridge Comments

Bethany|Apr 4, 2015 1:17pm
Happy easter! Love you