Hello my dear friends!
I am sure you are thinking “what the heck is this girl talking about!”. Well, for a mere $20, I have a stomach!! No, really, I do!
I know it is stuffed with fluff (like pooh bear) but it makes me smile. I could have purchased a uterus or even an ovary as well. Those, honestly, just seemed a little too weird to me. I guess I have a different connection to my stomach then I have to my reproductive organs. It could have something to do with the fact that my “baby” is now 18. I could have purchased a lymph node too but I still have lots of those so I am not really missing them. I did, however, get a cancer cell. It allows you to turn it inside out to make it a good cell or bad cell. I don’t know why but it felt right to have it. As you can see in the photos, my son felt it necessary to have the cancer cell eating the stomach. I know, he is just like me!
Having a stuffed tummy offers just a smidgen of levity to my days. I look around and see so much anger, stress, sadness and overall depression that I cannot help but want to change that. I am certain you all see the outward things going on but there are so many inside things happening too. I see friends and people I care about so stressed from their work situation that it is hurting them physically. Stress is a silent killer. I see those close to me struggle daily with silent storms that are invading their lives and they have no way out. They brace themselves and weather the storm. I can only offer my support and prayers.
Someone commented to me recently about how they could not even complain to me about their storm because I had been through so much. I have also had someone tell me that they don’t feel worthy to be my friend. No matter what any of us have been through, if we are friends then we are friends. Period. At the end of it all, the things that matter most are the people in my life. Please do not ever think that because I had cancer that I am somehow better. I am not. I am lucky that the cancer did not spread to my lymph nodes. I am also lucky that after all the stomach surgeries, dilation’s and other crap that I went through, I can now eat pretty normal. I am lucky that I did not have stomach cancer. My road has been different but you have been a part of my journey. Also, please do not think that you cannot use me as a sounding board. I understand completely the value of being able to talk to someone. If I can be that for you, then I will.
I guess you may be wondering, how am I doing. Eating – I am doing well. I can basically eat most of what I want. I don’t always chew as good as I should and get reminded why I need to from my digestive system. I think it misses the stomach a lot and likes to remind me that I have asked it to work overtime indefinitely and it doesn’t appreciate it. Steak, pizza, beer, pasta and lots of other awesome foods are still on the list for me to eat. I have determined that my favorite breakfast is my very own rendition of a “deconstructed” omelet. Eggs (over-easy) covered in fried onions and cheese. Other than a lot of sugar, I can eat whatever. As far as overall health, I will be honest. I am tired. Tired, with a capital T I R E D. Yep, something isn’t quite right. I started this process being anemic (low iron). Take supplements and still low iron. Take more and now I have too much iron. Now, no iron supplements. More blood tests and checking. My calcium is still not right so adjusting my supplements and checking in a couple weeks. My thyroid is not below the normal number but really close to the bottom. We continue to check that as well. It is all about finding that perfect combination of food and chew-able vitamins. Really that is my daily struggle. I will get there because I do not want to be this tired going forward. On a good day, I can make it through a workday without a 15 min nap or a physical shut down. Most days though, are not real good. I have taken to working in segments throughout the day to make sure I am getting my work done but not falling over. My endocrinologist and Internal Medicine doc are working to get this resolved. Hopefully soon. I really do not like feeling exhausted 24/7.
I am happy though because now that it is August I am a full year out from having to have any dilation’s to allow me to eat. Thank the good lord that I have moved past that. Eating is so very important now and I really like eating things that are yummy.
I would like to ask a favor. I would like to vaguely tell you about someone. I have not asked permission so in respect to privacy I will not share much. Someone I have recently corresponded with is in the same situation I was back at the end of 2014. I had just kicked cancers butt and was ready to move on. Then, wham! CDH1 and stupid stomach cancer came into the picture. I know how it feels to be overwhelmed. I know the questions that are likely happening. I know the agony of waiting for appointments, results and the never ending doctors visits. As much as I feel that I understand, I am saddened by my inability to make things easier for this person. When I was going through all of this, you all were there for me. Praying, sending thoughts of hope, strength and good vibes. I ask you, today, to please send prayers and these same good vibes to this person. Their life has changed without having a choice. You all helped me so much through my journey and I know that so many of you will send your prayers forward. Thank you. This person does read my blog so feel free to send a quick prayer in the comments if you would like. If you send it on FB, I will copy it back to these comments to share.
Thank you all for being my friends, light and levity throughout all of this. On a side note, if you are missing an organ, visit “I heart guts” on the web. They may have something just for you!
- Caring Bridge Comments
- Lorelie|Aug 3, 2016 6:44pm
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- Cheryl Carstens|Aug 2, 2016 9:01pm
- Jan Hartkopf|Aug 2, 2016 8:32pm
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