Cody Updates by Mom

Over this last week I had the blessing of spending time with my mom.  If you know her, you know that she is an amazing woman.  We are walking with her through the pain and heartbreak that comes with Alzheimer’s disease.  It is a horrible thing to have to watch a loved one go through, it is even more stressful when you see your future in their life.

Genetically, it has already been proven that I am walking in her footsteps with the CDH1  issue.  I had already completed the ancestry.com to see where my genetics came from but recently I thought I would try the 23&me to see if the health stuff could tell me anymore.  Well, it told me that I have the markers to get late life Alzheimer’s.  Well, then.  That is not necessarily unexpected but not even remotely awesome.

Back story of my writing:  Linda needed a break.  I wish that it could have been longer and completely without us calling her but at least she was able to spend time with her son and get a break from being the caregiver for my mom.  I know that any change in routine is hard when you have Alzheimer’s but I also knew that it was necessary.  In the end, I believe that my mother had a wonderful time with my cousin, Debbie, and being able to spend time with her brother.  Debbie, thank you so much for taking on such an amount of work to take my mom for a few days.  We cannot tell you how much it is appreciated.  It, however, has its side effects.

The initial part of the break was ok.  Mom was tired and moving into the “sundowning” stage when she got to our house.  Our house was the meeting place for the switch with mom.  Imagine a kid exchange.

Mom struggled with the change a bit and had a lot of trouble at night.  Sundowning is a very difficult thing.  The brain basically gets jumbled and the patience level moves to nothing.  Debbie, I am so sorry about mom destroying your bedroom but again, thank you for giving my sister a much needed break.

So, the conversation.

Today I got to spend a few hours with mom while I was bringing her home.  For about 70% of the drive she did not know who I was.  She talked about “Melanie” not realizing that it was me.  This was the first time that this has happened with mom.  In the past, she has always known who I was and was able to focus on that.  This was not the case today.  I knew that this would be something I would have to deal with but I did not expect it today.  She did, however, talk the entire time that we were together.  She talked about her mother and the fact that her mom was having a hard time and that she was sad that she could come with us today.  She remembered Cody but didn’t make the connection that he was my son.  It was interesting to her to talk about him as if it was someone that wasn’t me.  She talked about people from today but then mixed them with people from the past.  Her parents were not old and definitely not in heaven.  She is focused on getting a job and wanting to live in a trailer.  The conversation was like having the maximum number of tabs open on a browser and reading them all sporadically.  It was physically and mentally tiring to be a part of.  I honestly do not know how my sister and her family handle this day in and day out but I am grateful that they do.

On a positive note, we were able to spend our lunch at DQ and Cody was working.  Yay!  He was able to take his break while we were there and it was so very amazing to have a kid that will be there even when things are not great.  The pic below is one from our lunch today.  On a side note, if you are with my mom, buy her a Moolatte at DQ and she will be very happy.  She actually had two of them today as Cody got her another one for the road.

I am blessed that I get to spend time with my mom and hopefully provide some sanity to an otherwise insane situation.  I cannot express how much I love this woman.  She created all of us kids and deserves so much better than this kind of end.  I know that this disease is killing her both physically and mentally and she has moments of clarity beyond my expectation.  She actually recognized the building where my mother-in-law was living as she finally succumbed to this horrible disease.

This disease is such a complete shit-show when it comes to the lives of the people it impacts.  I am angry that I cannot stop it for her and calm her mind.  I am also scared of what is to come.  I have absolutely no intention of leaving this type of ending for my son to have to deal with.  As I look at the picture above I know that these two people are so very vital to my being.  Even with the disease, I am blessed that she is my mom and that she remembers my son. I will take a back seat to that memory any day of the week.

As we remember or do not remember the things in life that make us who we are, we are us.  We cannot change some things but we can definitely change how we go through our daily lives.  Today I am blessed to be the daughter of amazing parents and to have such wonderful kids to complete my family.  Life is what we make it today.