Cody Updates by Mom

I am tired.  Tired of the conversation that seems to surround depression.  Either depression is the fad and everyone seems to have it, to depression is the secret illness that you are not supposed to talk about.  I am tired.  Tired of the rhetoric.

I am dealing with my own depression.  I am hopeful that it is more situational but not quite sure.  I never knew the impact of depression on life until I felt it take over my thoughts.  I was scared, alone and felt that the world was against me.  I am medicated now and better.  Not necessarily great but better.  I can feel the difference in my head.  It is progress.

My son is dealing with this too.  It is a different place to be where someone you love beyond words is hurting.  Feeling that worthless feeling.  The feeling that nothing you do matters.  It is a sad place to be.

I believe, though, that many of us have felt this.  Many of us have been there wondering where life will get better, where the negative thoughts finally turn into positives.

I wish to change the conversation around depression.  A friend once mentioned that we take meds when we have diabetes, high blood pressure and cholesterol.  Why is it an issue to need meds to help with depression?  Why do we think that it is less of an issue than the other things that threaten our health?

What’s interesting to me is that as I have shared my own depression story, others have told me about their journey.  I am surprised at how many of my friends, family and coworkers are on their own journey and are getting help from medication, therapy and help.

All of us (my family) have dealt with this over the years.  We may seek therapy, meds or a combo of that.  It is amazing to me that unless you are a famous person it is not ok to have depression.  Apparently the famous are considered “cool” if they go through depression.  Depression is not cool.  It is a reality that can not only take your soul on a journey of sadness it can also take a life.

I would love that people with mental situations would be able to get help more quickly than weeks out.  That meds wouldn’t be a multi week conversation and that therapy would be readily available.  How do we fix what is mentally broken in us?  How do we see the broken and love it?  Strength is a myth that we have continued to bring forward in life.  You are only strong after you think you cannot go on.  Strength is what we think of others.  It is killing those when they are going through the thick of life.  People have told me that they think I am strong, that they are not as strong as me.  I was only strong because my life depended on it.  I didn’t feel strong at the time and I do not think that I was stronger than anyone else.  It is a label put on people that have been through the shit and come out on the other side.  I am no stronger than anyone else.  The human nature is to survive.  We all will do amazing things to persevere.

I see so many posts about getting rid of negative people in our lives.  It is okay to block them.  If it a person that is intentionally hurting others, I get it.  If it is someone depressed then they are labeled as toxic because they need to work through their crap.  Sometimes we all need more than just our own minds to bring us up.  I have now seen the after effects of this on someone depressed.  It just continues the downward cycle.  It is interesting to me that only people that are always happy are considered not toxic.  Really??  I am going to be honest but the people that are always happy are the people that I feel break the normal of life.  There is no way that you can always be happy.  Let’s start being more realistic about life an give each other a break with feeling overwhelmed, sad or whatever we feel.  Life is hard.  Let me say that again.  Life. Is. Hard.  I don’t care who you are, it is never easy to get through this world.  I worry that we have created an environment of non-acceptance of those that need help.  Well, I would like to stop it.

If you are broken.  It is ok.  We all break sometimes.  You are loved and I will never judge you.  I am broken too.

If you are sad.  It is ok.  Life can get us down sometimes.  You are loved and I will never judge you.  I have been sad too.

If you feel worthless.  It is ok.  Sometimes it is hard to see our own worth.  You are loved and I will never judge you.  I have felt worthless too.

If you feel hopeless.  It is ok.  Sometimes it is hard to see the end of the road that can be good.  You are loved and I will never judge you.  I have been hopeless too.

In the end, this thing we call life is hard.  It is hard to assimilate to the norm to what others think we should be.  It is hard to be in there when we feel that we are our own person inside.  How does this work?  I have no fricken clue.  What I do know that when we are more understanding that others have crap and we can give them a little break it means more than we can ever know.

My nephew James asked for his bday for us to do something that lifts someone up.  Today, I saw a coworker and she looked great.  I took a moment to tell her that I thought she looked great.  My hope is that she felt a bit better after that.  I will continue this for as long as I can to ensure that others around me are felt lifted up from me.  It is only a small part but it is what I am capable of right now.

I ask that you remember sometimes the most depressed person may feel negative to deal with.  Those are the people that need the most help.