Cody Updates by Mom

Definition: Having a serious, important, or useful quality or purpose.  Meaningful is a very important word.  However, right now this word is a reminder of what is no longer meaningful.

I had my family call with the care team today and I also was able to go out and see mom for a short period of time.  I will update on both.

I talked with Dr. Simon and Megan today.  Dr. Simon is again adjusting mom’s meds.  He said that she is simply too sedated.  The meds are keeping her aggression down and keeping her from fighting care but, and I quote, “she doesn’t have much for meaningful interactions right now.”  The word stuck with me and will likely stick for awhile.  Especially after today’s visit.

Mom is basically on three meds.  Depakote as a mood leveling medication.  He has decreased this one over time but is continuing.  The Trileptal is a newer one that she has been on and is also a mood leveling but can also help to increase happy moods as well.  He is reducing this one too.  She is also on a scheduled anti-psychotic, Risperidone, which is the main one that is causing the significant sedation.  He is also reducing this one.  This is also the one that will likely shorten her life span if she stays on it.  It feels like a little bit of “where’s waldo” with the meds but I know that he is trying to give her an end to her life that is not in anger or in sedation.

Basically, he is not happy with how little meaningful interactions that mom is having.  There was really no talk today about discharge.  We simply are not there yet.

We did talk briefly about placement.  As you know, Cokato is out.  There is a place in Annandale that we faxed mom’s information too.  This means that they take MA and are considering her.  I also talked with White Pine, which is where Jim’s mother was.  They do not currently have an MA bed but were going to see if they could get approval for one more.  I am hopeful that being a returning customer will help in this process.  A little prayer for this would be welcome!

I was able to get out of work an hour or so early today to get out to Litchfield and see mom.  I hadn’t been able to get there over the weekend due to my step-son being here but I knew that I should go.  Dr. Simon is always encouraging visits to help stimulate mom.  Unfortunately, she is VERY sedated.  She knew that she should know me but didn’t.  At one point she said, “I think you know me.”  She was never able to make the connection of who I was.  She was incoherent most of the time and simply out of it.  She did hold my hand and smiled any time that I talked to her or made her look at me.  She smiled a lot and was a million miles away.

Knowing that it was the meds that caused her to be this way was a little easier but it was still hard.  Basically, she is beyond stoned.  Please understand that I do not want my mom to be this sedated but I also know that she isn’t sad, she isn’t hurting herself and she is simply just numb.

If my choices are:

1. Anger, biting, hitting, crying and sadness
OR
2. Sedated and smiling, in la-la land and not knowing who I am

I guess I would pick the second one.

In the end, there is really not a big change in our situation.  They are still trying to figure out the meds to allow mom’s final days to be calm but somehow “meaningful”.  They are still trying to find placement for her and the hope is that she will be able to be placed in the near future.  Hopefully, close to here.

Any visits are encouraged.  Please feel free to go out and see mom if you have the time and the want to go.  It does make her smile and for that we can be happy!