Cody Updates by Mom

Today, I took many deep breaths.  Unfortunately, they did not give the same type of peace that I have felt in the past.  Today was a hard day.

I thought about doing a live feed today but couldn’t get myself to do it.  My mind is sure of the decisions I am making but my heart is hurting and questioning every move I make.

Today I signed all of the paperwork for hospice for my mom.  It is the right decision but I cannot help but feel that I have just signed my mom up for death. Don’t worry, my mind understands all of the needs that have gone into this decision but I still feel an inkling of doubt. I know that my family stands behind me but today, I felt utterly alone in this decision. I know my mom is gone but I still worry if this decision is for her or for me.  I guess it is likely for both.

So, what does this all mean??  Initially it is creating the most comfortable living situation for my mom.  Within less than six hours, my mother had a new hospital bed to ensure her comfort with a conclave mattress to help her sleep on her side more comfortably.  She also received a new Broda wheelchair specifically designed for her height and weight.  They will also bring in an electrical lift to more comfortably move mom from bed to chair.

This also means that hospice will start determining the meds that mom takes.  All of the night meds to help her sleep will be stopped as she is basically sleeping all day now.  Any vitamin related meds will also be stopped.  Mom will also stop taking an aspirin and most other over the counter meds.  At this time, mom will stay on the Depakote for her psychological well being.  Hospice will also add meds as needed for moms comfort.  Morphine will be available as mom needed for pain.  Aadvin will also be used as needed for anxiety.  There are other meds they will introduce if needed for oral secretions and other needs.

I also signed paperwork today to switch mom to a DNR.  This means that if mom suffers a heart attack or stroke there will be no attempt to resuscitate her.  Out of all of the changes, this one is the hardest. Mom didn’t want this type of end to her life. I focus on that as I make these decisions.

 

Liz is the hospice nurse and she was the one to meet with mom and myself today.  She understands that mom craves human touch and loves music. Liz held moms hand for over half of our meeting today.  Liz will ensure that this continues to be a focus for moms care.  Liz will visit two times a week and will email me each week with a status of moms care.  A hospice aide will also visit mom two times a week on the days that the nurse is not there.  The aide will handle the showers or bed cleaning for mom.  The nurse mentioned that they have cleaning shower caps that work well for patients that like physical touch.  It is basically a head massage with the cleaning.  She will ensure this is part of moms care.

 

A new social worker will be in touch with me to ensure the care mom is getting is to my and my mothers wants.  A Chaplin will also visit mom a couple times a month.  Liz, the nurse, was going to let the Chaplin know that faith is exceptionally important to my mom to see if he could visit weekly to pray with my mom.

 

Mom is down to 104 pounds and feels like she is skin and bones.  She was not aware that I was there for an extended period of time today but she did hold my hand and let me rub her back for quite a while. I only hope that there was some comfort there.

To be honest, I am in a very odd place mentally and emotionally.  After the visit and paperwork today, I came home and cried. Cried for the loss of my mom and the choices I have been made to make. This evening, I feel numb to the world. Things that should mean a lot, do not. My emotions are raw and real. I can only feel the pain of the last few weeks and not much else. Life continues to happen around me as I watch it go by.  I don’t know how to fix this but hope it will ease as the days go on.

Thank you to all for your prayers and love toward my mom.  It is appreciated greatly.

If you have pictures of my mom please put them in the link below.  If not, please feel free to look at the images posted.

It is time to start preparing.

• Request 1:  PICTURES. I would like to start getting pictures of mom together.  If you have photos please use the link below to put any pictures so the family can access them.
  • Pictures of Joanne
• Request 2: WRITINGS. I would like to have some of mom’s writings to be able to be shared at her celebration when we send her home.  Either in books, on posters or scrapbooks.  Please think of ways we can share what was so dear to mom with others.

Thank you
Mel