Cody Updates by Mom

I will tell you that this message is not going to be heroic, informative, insightful or aspirational.  However, it will be blunt.

I can tell you that lately, I have been crabby.  Things are happening out of my control and it is too much at one time.  I have friends grieving their siblings, furry children, friends and their health.  I am grieving the loss of another amazing boss that I will never be able to replace.  All of this is difficult with a brain that suffers from depression and anxiety.

However.

Tonight, I was push beyond my limits.  I will be honest.  I skim Facebook and typically just close it, have a beer and go watch reruns of cooking shows or Law and Order.  I am diverse that way.  🙂

I saw a post that talked about what your toe lengths told you about what type of woman you are.  Sorry but…  Are you fucking kidding me?  [ok, I am done now with the swearing]

I suddenly was frustrated with all of the things that we compare our selves to.  Birth month, day, year, hair color, eye color, shoe size, what we eat, what we drink, what we wear, how many freckles we have (ok, I might win that), what our BMI is, genetics, ear size, we can’t forget toe size and all of the other things that we seem to think make us up.  I mean really, if you are at this point when you were 2 and the sun was here and your dad was German and you lifted your pinkie….you are……UGH!

I think, more than that, our experiences make us who we are.

I figured that I would be honest about what makes me, me, today.  However in short version.  Just for fun’zies.

• Youngest of seven, four boys and three girls.
• One of my brothers used to hold me at the ceiling until I yelled loud enough to be heard by mom.
• I had a very emotional moment where I had gotten my red hair cut short and my dad was mad because I looked like a boy.
• I got married, divorced and remarried – however I learned to be a parent with my ex and I am so very grateful for that chance.
• I have lost so many people that my heart aches on some days when the tears cannot flow.
• I have gained so many amazing people in my life that I feel so blessed that I am overflowing with God’s love.
• I had to find my faith outdoors and my God outside of a church.
• I have found that I can love a child beyond what feels even possible, even when they are not my blood.
• I have learned that I am smart and dumb at the same time and it is okay.
• I have seen the inside of a bottle when sad and also the inside of my folded hands in prayer.
• I have learned that sometimes it takes someone that wants to peel back the onion to find you to see the good you have left. (you know who you are)
• I have realized that pretty much everything in high school that I thought would make me important was false and in the end, we all end up wishing we knew then what we do now.
• I am not perfect and I am okay with that.

I do not know why I felt compelled to write this but it happened.  I hope that somewhere, someone can stop listening to the pressure put on them from outside and realize that they are who they are, today and it is okay.

Peace.