Cody Updates by Mom

Why are the wings of an angel so special? Quite honestly, I am not sure. As my mother’s first birthday in heaven has happened, I am thinking of her wings. What do they mean? What do they symbolized? In the end, I felt that they mean and symbolize what I need them to. It is specific to us all.

I have spent a lifetime looking at how we react, act and absorb life. We all do it differently but in the end there is a sameness to what we experience. Yes, we can call it the grieving process but is it? It may be something more.

When a parent dies, so does a little of our childhood. The warm summer nights, playing ball, making an ice cream cake or a crazy cake. As I “celebrate” the birthday of the last parental person in my life, I am reminded that I am supposed to be a parental person. Can I be wise? Can I bring solidarity to a place where there is none? Can I bring peace in an otherwise crazy world?

I have no fricken clue.

What I do know is that my kids know they can always come home. No questions, period. I know that I have kids that are amazing people and that doesn’t equal dollars. Even in this time of weirdness, they are there are a part of our makeup.

Now what?

Well, I honestly do not know. Tonight I made chicken thighs with an amazing, super duper sauce. Yep, I was the only one to tell you that but I did!! I love to cook and maybe, just maybe, that is where I will end up.

Today, was my moms first birthday in heaven.

I miss her. I am glad that she doesn’t have to deal with what is going on today, but I miss her. I miss her smile when you show up. I miss her happiness when you brought her something special, just for her. I miss her. She was a part of who I am today. She was imperfectly, perfect. Someday, I hope I am the same.

Mom, you were and always will be the wind beneath my wings. I am certain that dad gave you ice cream today and you were laughing in the sun. May your birthdays from now on be the most beautiful that heaven can provide.