Cody Updates by Mom

Throughout my time with my various health battles, I have received a common question.  “What can I do to help?”  Many of you that have had difficult situations, health issues or other types of trauma have heard that same question.  Over the years, I have found that I still don’t know how to really answer that question.  People want to help but do not know how or even what you may need help with.  There was an article a long time ago that talked about just being there.  You don’t have to DO anything, just be.

This weekend has made me think of this again.  The weekend started good with Friday and Monday off of work to work on getting the garage ready to paint.  So much for plans.  Late Friday morning things changed.  My mom was really sick.  At the beginning we thought that she had a stroke.  The good news is that she didn’t.  What she did have was an infection that had gone unnoticed until it went into her blood stream.  From there she got sepsis and things went downhill fast.  My nephew called 911 and we were in the hospital with mom.

Thinking about being there.  Friday I was there with my sister, my nieces and other family members.  I signed paperwork, I helped the nurses, I tried to help get my mother calm.  She was incoherent, in a lot of pain and very agitated.  Even though I was there, it wasn’t the type of there that I am referring to.

Now today, things are going better but not great.  My mom is still in the hospital but is being treated for the infections and is slowly getting better.  She is still in a lot of pain.  Tonight I drove up to see her.  It is a fairly long drive so I have a lot of thinking time on the way there and back.  When I got to the hospital she needed assistance from the nurse so I waited.  Once she was settled in the chair, I got down toward the floor so I could get her to look at me and said “hey”.  As the recognition of who I was set in, the tears started to flow.  For many minutes I let my mother cry.  Let her give way to the ordeal and feelings of helplessness.  She was in so much pain and I couldn’t fix it but I could be there.  I let her be the way she needed.  I told her that she could be strong even though she really didn’t believe me.  I knew that she was being strong even though she didn’t realize it.

For a good hour, I got to be there.  Be there for the woman that brought me into this world.  Comfort her and tell her that they will figure this out.  She will get better.  As the trifecta of pain meds that they gave her kicked in, I kissed her forehead, told her that I loved her and saw her beautiful smile before I left for home.

In the end, I hope my being there was helpful to her and gave her some comfort.  I know that my being there for her was helpful to me.  I was able to just be.  I didn’t do anything special.  I didn’t fix anything.  I was just there.  I can tell you that the look on my mothers face when she really saw me was all I needed to see.  That look, that relief that I could provide, that look will stay with me for a long time.  It didn’t come with a hotdish or some other type of help.  It came with me just being there.

I am so very thankful that during this entire situation that there has been a lot of people being there for my mother.  Sitting with her, helping her and just being close.  I cannot thank you enough for this gift that you have given to her.  Thank you for being there.