Cody Updates by Mom

Decisions.  Definition: a conclusion or resolution after consideration.

In my life, I make a lot of decisions.  I consistently decide on the direction to go at work with my projects, with my team and our vendors.  It has become something that I feel I do an okay job at.  I try to look at all sides, think about the consequences and then, decide.

Over the last, um, couple decades, I have been forced to make some really big decisions.  These were decisions that impacted not only my life but others.  One of my first, was that I had to tell the doctors that I wanted them to save my baby when he was born at 24 weeks.  Best decision ever.  He is 21 and I am blessed to have him as my son.  I also made some other decisions that changed his and my life.  Divorce.  Moving.  Changing.

Then the decisions I had to make were critical to my life.  Double mastectomy to get rid of cancer, chemo, radiation and so on.  Everything to get those numbers down for the possibility of the cancer coming back.  They were hard decisions but honestly they were laid out for me and I could see the path.

Then came my stomach.  I didn’t know what to do.  I had just beat cancer and was thinking things were really going in the right direction.  Cody’s father had passed and I was not going to leave my kid without both of us.  Someone, much smarter than me, told me something that I will never, ever forget.  She told me this when I was trying to decide if I was going to have my stomach removed or not.

She said…

“Make your decision on what you know today.  You don’t know what the future holds but you know what you know today.  You know that your breast cancer was linked to this genetic mutation.  You know that you want to be here for your child.  The Mayo Clinic could find a cure next week, next year or never.  You have to decide now on what you know.  Then…you need to be okay with your decision.  Do not regret, do not shame yourself and do not ever look back and say you made a bad decision because something changed a day, week, year later.”

This conversation changed my life.  It changed how I look at decisions.

However, today, I am struggling.  I have made the decision to put my mother into memory care.  The very last thing that she ever wanted, I am doing now.  I know the decision I am making is right.  I know it is the best for all.  I cannot help but feel that I am letting her down.  She would be mortified if she knew the life that she is living right now.  She would never want us to be at risk because of her.  My brain is telling me all of this but I still struggle with knowing that the decisions I am making will potentially speed up the process of her downfall.  I also know that this decision will improve the health of my sister that I love so dearly and am so very thankful that she has given herself to care for our mom.  Now it is time to look at the health of the caregivers and move the stress and management to others.

I feel that I am getting to a point of peace with this decision.  It still breaks my heart.

Update on mom’s situation:  We have all of the paperwork in for Medical Assistance to help with the cost of the memory care.  My mother’s doctor has completed all of the orders for the move.  The doctor also recommended that if we have another situation where my mother is a danger to herself or others that we bring her to the ER and the process will be sped up.  We are in contact with the social workers, doctors and neurologists to ensure that we have the correct pieces in place to get the care that is needed.  Due to the fact that it may take awhile to get her placed, the likelyhood of an ER visit is high.  We will keep everyone informed on changed.

I will end with this.