Cody Updates by Mom

Disclaimer:  Today is not necessarily about my mom but it is about dealing with the things that surround the things that need to be done.  I need to take a moment and be sad and vent.

Late last week, I had a call from the social worker that works at the hospital in Litchfield, where my mom is right now.  She has been the person to help with finding placement for my mom in a memory care center.  Up until this point things had been good.

Last week, it wasn’t great but nothing that was concerning.  With what happened today, I am really struggling.

Last week, she called and wanted to ask about where things were at with the social workers in Milaca to get my mom approved for the financial assistance to be placed in a home.  I started to tell her where we were at when I got a ten minute lecture on being an advocate for my mother and ensuring that the social workers had all the things they needed for my mother.  She went on and on about what it meant to be an advocate for someone that could not be one for themselves.  Throughout this process I worked really hard to listen and not tell her off (which I didn’t).  I have dealt with not only my own medical issues, I had a child at 24-weeks and had to be his advocate for many months to ensure his needs were taken care of.  He is now 21 and I hope that I have had a smidgeon of a part in that.  It’s that little baby to that awesome kid.

I told her what I had learned earlier that day from the call to the Milaca Social Workers and let her know that I was connected to them daily.  Which I had been.  Milaca has actually been very responsive and helpful in this process.

I was okay with just letting this go as she doesn’t know me and doesn’t know my past.  I figured it was a normal talk that she had with other family members.

That was until today.  This morning I had my family meeting with the Psychiatrist and the Social Worker about mom.  The first question was from the Psychiatrist and he wanted to know if I had visited my mom recently.  Insinuating that I hadn’t.  I told him that I had on Sunday and that actually, today was her birthday and we had a little party for her yesterday.  I told him that the meds seemed to be helping as she seemed more calm and okay with her surroundings.  I also relayed that both my sister in law had visited earlier in the week and my brother and his family were there on Saturday.  We talked about her care and the fact that the doctor was thinking he would be ready to release mom later this week.  He was still tweaking the meds a bit but things were going good.  I was surprised to hear this as they have not even started her on an antibiotic for her UTI.

Then the social worker asked about the process to get MA for my mom.  I let her know that I had talked with the Milaca team this morning and they felt that they had everything and that they were finalizing their process.  They said I should know soon.

After that, things went downhill.

Please understand that this is a Monday morning where I was off on Friday.  I am getting inundated with requests. emails and responsibilities.  I have put these all aside to take care of my mom.  The social worker then asked me what I was going to do if my mom was discharged and the MA piece wasn’t done.  Was I okay with her coming home to me?  I told her that she could not come home.  That was no longer an option.  I then again got a tone from her that I wasn’t doing my best to help my mom.

This then spun a bit out of control and I hung up the phone feeling like the only way to make this work sufficiently for the situation that I would need to just take multiple days off of work and sit in the Milaca Social Security office until they were done.  I know this was unreasonable and not helpful but I had just allowed this person to cause me a lot of anxiety and stress.

I was angry that this person was able to make me feel that I was not only inadequate in taking care of my mom but that I wasn’t even trying.  I was disheartened because I have been taking time off of work, leaving meetings (that I was running) to take a call from a medical person to get care for my mom.  I have been giving up all of my extra time to work through the paperwork and this person was telling me that it wasn’t enough.  In a nutshell, it was not a good morning.

Luckily, I have a wonderful support system.  Jim helped to talk me off the ledge and my good friend Cheri helped me find perspective.

I then emailed the social worker to bluntly say that I felt that she thought I wasn’t doing enough to help my mother.  That I could do so much more.  I told her what I told you above and asked her to tell me what else I need to be doing because I loved my mother so much and need her to be in a place that can care for her more than we can.

She didn’t respond.

Now, I am worried that the person that is trying to place mom is upset and things may go downhill.  In the end I will protect my mother until the end of time, but she needs 24/7 care and we cannot give that.  We are in this place because it is something that is critically necessary to get her into a home.  Just because the meds are helping right now doesn’t mean that she should not be allowed to go to a memory care unit.  She is better not only because of the meds but also because she is in a locked facility with round the clock care.  No family can provide this.

So, now I have to prepare myself for the possibility of the potential medical fight.  Clearly this person has no idea that I stood toe to toe with the chief of surgery at the Mayo clinic to let him know that we were following my plan and not his.  I won, by the way.  In the end, I know that I have the wherewithal to do this.  I just don’t want to.  My life is so stressed that I know another long fight will be detrimental to my well being.  It already has been.  I don’t ever give up but in the end I know that the pieces that my rock (Jim) and others will have to help put back together will be tough.  I, however, got the gloves on to make things right.

Thank you for listening to my rant and being there for my family.