Cody Updates by Mom

Today, I am feeling ugly. I am scrutinizing every little wrinkle, hair, skin blemish and all. It is more than this, my soul feels ugly. For the last many weeks, I have been struggling. My strength in my job has been low, my thinking of my appearance has been low, my thought of my ability to be me has been low. So, now what. When you are the rock for everyone else, being low is not a popular situation.

Now what?

Mental instability when you do not have an illness is not considered as a thing. How do we see ourselves to ensure that we are healthy? How do we change the perceptions of the crazy world to see ourselves worthy? Not only do I feel all of this, I also feel this for my son who is searching to find himself. How can I help him when I am broken myself?

What is ugly? Ugly is a look that is not the norm, ugly is a personal decision on how someone else looks. Then, how do we define ugly? We cannot, it is a personal thought on how people look or portray others as they do not fit their standards.

I have a friend that recently posted that she had finally started to see her beauty. I have always thought that she was beautiful. This makes me very happy to see.

As I have thought through today, I have realized that I really do not have it together. I am not a great friend; I do not call or check in and will go for months without connecting. I am not a good homemaker; it took me hours to deep clean today. I also suck at knowing what to do with my garden. We have stuff, now what. lol.

Since the pandemic, I do not shower every day, I do not wear makeup and I really do not do anything with my hair. It is really hard to see myself today as anything but a hermit. How do we change the stereotype? How do we change the image of what is beauty? How do we be healthy and stable.

As a woman, I want to have beauty and strength. Lately, it has been difficult to find that. I need to see how we all move forward.